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The Three Musketeers 3D trailer is...

TheThreeMusketeers3D.jpgI couldn't fit my thoughts about this new trailer for The Three Musketeers 3D into the title so I'm going to do it here. It starts off well, great visuals, superb casting for the Musketeers and Cardinal Richelieu, and then something happens, well two things start happening, and the more of it I saw the more...what's the best word...disgusted I became with it. To be frank, it's utterly stupid.

You can clearly see from the trailer it starts off as a Musketeers film and then turns into Wild Wild West and then Resident Evil, far from a Musketeers film. Now I'm not saying it has to be like the originals, but it just goes off to become a different film in period costume.

Of course the biggest problem that this film, and the previous Musketeers revival both face is Richard Lester and his superbly scripted, cast and directed Musketeer films. For those of you who haven't seen them here's what you need to do, get a hold of The Three Musketeers, The Four Musketeers and then The Return of the Musketeers. These are templates for action, adventure and comedy, superb films one and all.

So how do you match that? Well I'm baffled as to why this film has to rely so heavily on Resident Evil and turn into the beast that was Wild Wild West, the latter was an awful film, and the Resident Evil series is good fun, but not to be combined with the period action, adventure and comedy of the Musketeers.

Of course that's not to say they couldn't change it, but the originals are just so damned good, why would you want to? Oh yes, to recreate the series and make more money. Well, it's not working.

Let me walk through some failure points in the trailer for The Three Musketeers 3D.

It does start off well, although the strange masked figure rising out of the water with tricked up guns does seem a little off, the tone all matches so I'm going with it so far.

Matthew Macfadyen provides a strong voiceover as Athos that puts us in an epic, period mood as well, combined with faces we see arriving, Ray Stevenson as Porthos, Orlando Bloom as the Duke of Buckingham, Christoph Waltz as Cardinal Richelieu, Mads Mikkelsen as Rochefort (no not the Cuddly Toy singer) and Til Schweiger (both not seen) the cast is looking good - Bloom, Stevenson, Waltz and Macfadyen seem excellent choices for their roles and the actors who previously inhabited them.

The Musketeers arrive and I'm starting to get the feel for the film.

Slight blip as the featureless and uncharismatic D'Artagnan appears, but it's the start of the film so let's go with it.

Some nice swordplay, and then...what? Wait a moment, flying ships? Large ocean going ships kitted out with huge balloons above them that fly above the cities firing cannons, dropping bombs and...what is going on? I smell Wild Wild West.

Then Milla Jobovich appears. Now I like her in Resident Evil, and I've seen her in some other films and she can act, so why is there the need to immediately throw in a high level jump that looks straight out of Resident Evil but in period costumes?

Then she does some somersault mid-air swordplay, again, Resident Evil.

Back to a little Musketeer feel, flat, characterless D'Artagnan once again, and then more Resident Evil with Jovovich sliding beneath a corridor of firing projectiles, bent back on her knees, narrowly avoiding death. Come on, it's Resident Evil again in costume.

Tiny bit more swordplay but then the flying machines have flame throwers a la Wild Wild West, and a huge key activated opening in the floor which again reeks of Resident Evil.

More Wild Wild West machine action, finish with some Musketeer-esque sword play that seems to be more ninja-esque, again the feel of Resident Evil, and there we have it.

Thoroughly disappointed, surely Paul W.S. Anderson could have made it differently, more Musketeer and less what he's already done, although to be fair he did not have a hand in Wild Wild West. Where did Event Horizon and Soldier go?

It looks complete rubbish. Now see for yourself with the trailer below. Rant over.



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